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#UncleToddTuesday - blog 22

A man or a woman is the sum total of his or her choices. Nothing more, nothing less. Yet there’s a secret to life no one is willing to accept. As we get older, it becomes easier to reflect upon relationships past, to wonder if we made the big mistake, to think we never gave that ‘someone’ a shot. Borne out of desperation, we do this since some of us have less years ahead of us than we do behind us. It’s easy, and convenient. But the truth of the matter when it comes to past relationships is this: There are no wrong decisions.

Recently, I was having a conversation with a very good friend about getting older. We talked about ex-girlfriends from years gone by, and about the ‘What if?’ question that many men would be reluctant to admit enters their minds. Did I let that one get away? Should I have taken a chance on the other one? Should I have done things differently? Would I have been better off now had I stayed with her? The answer is a resounding No. These are not Mansy considerations; they are human ones. Time spent on these considerations is time lost. And wasting this time — your life, which is finite — is dangerous to your health.

In our culture we do not consider the importance of balanced physical and mental health. A man in his forties knows better than to risk injury by trying to replicate the level of fitness or athleticism attained in his twenties. The mind is no different. Living in the past is counterproductive, and risks a different kind of injury. It prevents evolution, and limits the potential of your life, of your mind. When you live in the past, you forget this. As an intuitive being, you never made decisions in past relationships based on where they would take you; you made decisions based on the intuitive information you had at hand. The collapse, the infidelity, the breakup, the you-loved-each-other-but-had-to-go-to-different-colleges-anyway — whatever the precipitating event was, you made decisions based on your intuition. And these decisions were always the right ones.

There is no such thing as fate. The universe only puts the truth in front of you at all times. Your measure as an individual is defined by how you square up to the truth. These are the choices that define you.

So celebrate the good news. It’s not the past that defines you — it’s the next waking minute.

—Uncle Todd